08-04-2016

The Ever Boring Tasks of Parenting: A Poem To Encourage When Yet Another LONG Summer Day Looms

Spaghetti splattered dishes haphazardly askew in an uncleaned sink.
Last night’s orange cheese grime caked on the metallic baking sheet.
Mold growing where apple juice resided in a pink sippy cup.
Making the 6th PB&J, of just this morning.
Bending low to wipe the yellow spotted toilet seat.

It’s the daily monotony that makes motherhood boring.

When we bend low with serving posture we see how low Christ bends to make Himself known to us.

He bends low to cleanse the mold of our messy souls.
He bends low to wipe away sobs of distress.
He bends low to open ears to cicada’s chants and noses to sweetgrass’ perfume.

Monotonous rituals of motherhood
shape us,
make us,
creates in us
the serving posture of Christ.

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jessica

07-13-2016

Photojournal of Summer 2016: Choosing Contentment in the Messiness of Life

We’ve made it to July 13th which seems equal parts miracle “we’ve survived thus far without siblings killing one another” and equal parts “where in the world has summer gone”?

Every weekend is full of friends and family visiting or taking trips of our own and I am starting to feel like we are careening on a roller coaster that won’t slow down.

Being a girl who not only wants but truly needs a lot of margin in her life, I’m feeling a bit unraveled by all this busyness.

Despite my best intentions to fill our days with minimal cost activities and trips to the beach, we’ve actually spent most week days being very lazy at home.

Just us in our pj’s. Reading books. Getting messy with science experiments. Making lego princess castles.

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Now, don’t let me fool you that it’s all roses and peaches while we lounge around.

Our house is quite messy, sibling squabbles abound, and made beds are a thing of the past – as if they were ever even in existence in my house.

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You may look at these pictures and see joy & fulfillment or you may never see further than the dirt, grime, and mess.

How you look at my pictures – how you take in your own summer – your own spot in life right now,
it’s all in your perspective.

Isn’t that what joy and gratitude are really all about?
They are a choice you make every moment of your life.

You can focus on what you don’t have or spend your moments being thankful for what you do have.

When I can’t find contentment, I pray for God to show me what to give thanks for.  There have been days, months, years when all I saw was darkness, anxiety, and fear. All my life didn’t turn out to be.

But when I pray for an eternal perspective, when I beg on my knees for Him to show me what I do have right in front of me that I never fully appreciate…
He whispers back and nudges me to find the beauty found within the dirt, grime, and mess.

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There is beauty all around you.
I hope you find some today.

jessica

happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed.
happiness is the spiritual experience of living every moment with love, grace, and gratitude.
~ spiritual gangster

05-26-2016

Event Calendar: Summer 2016 in Charleston

I’m one of those mamas who doesn’t believe in the last week of school, so tomorrow’s the last day before summer break for my kids.

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And right about now, I’m feeling pretty good about our summer plans.
Which primarily involves the beach, the library, and the sprinkler out back.

You see, all our summer activities hover around one common denominator: that word being FREE.

So every year about this time, I’m thinking – Okay, this is gonna be the year that I am FINALLY organized with our summer calendar. I’m going to make a master spreadsheet of all the going ons in our town and any time I feel like we are on the verge of insanity (which, in our house, normally happens a few times every day) – we can voila – look at the calendar and find something fun and different to do.

But reality looks a bit more like this…

By June 14th, only two weeks into summer break, I’ll be skirting the edges of a mental breakdown from 24 hours a day with my kids and my house will have turned into pure chaos with no hope of finding out what activites are offered that day.

So this year I finally did it!

I created a master schedule of all the free or minimal cost events for kids in Charleston!

This calendar isn’t about camps, events that require pre-registration or cost a lot of money.

Instead, this is the perfect resource for those…
“I just need to find something happening in one hour or the kids are going to drive me to bedlam” moments.

There is now a link on my homepage called Charleston Events, so you can go directly there to find it.

Please keep in mind the library has hundreds of activities all by itself if you count all their locations. So don’t throw away your Charleston County Library Summer Reading Program Calendar! There are also at least 7 places in the lowcountry that offer movies for kids & families in the summer. I’ve tried adding all the June movies for 3 of the locations and will continue to add the remaining June movies in the next week.

I hope ya’ll enjoy this and it helps you out a little this summer when you just don’t know how to entertain the kids one more day!

jessica

04-20-2016

The Benefits of Boredom…Why it’s great if your kid says “Mom, I’m Bored”

There I was, a 14 year old girl stuck in the throes of puberty, navigating S curves on a back mountain road en route to my aunt’s house.

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That dreaded season, aka – tax season, had arrived.

April was again upon us and my parents were driving to my number loving accountant Aunt Judy’s house.

I never understood why I had to go along. Her having daughters much older than myself, there wasn’t much for me to do.

Back in those prehistoric times, before tablets and instant internet access, there were only 3 tv channels to choose from and none of them featured anything interesting to a teenager.

Looking back, I don’t even think she had a tv so there wasn’t much for me to do except “be bored”.

And in that boredom, I spent countless hours reading magazines.

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But CosmoGirl and Seventeen, these were not.

No, instead I got the thrill of reading Mother Earth News and every academic journal you could imagine on healthy organic earthy type eating.

I had no idea what composting was and held no interest in the microorganisms found in collards.

{Kale had yet to become gourmet back then.}

Yet, when push comes to shove – and you have nothing better to do – you read whats in front of you.

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Looking back now, I am grateful my parents made me cross the mountain to go to my aunt’s house.

Blessed I am, that there was nothing to do but read food science periodicals.

Undoubtedly, reading gardening and food magazines helped shape me into being the food lover I am today.

I learned a ton of random cooking tips and helpful hints that even now, 20 plus years later, I incorporate into the foods I prepare on a daily basis.

Did you know that when sauteing onions, you should sprinkle salt on them when they first go into the pan to allow them to ‘sweat’ out some of their natural water – which helps speed up the browning or caramelizing of the onions.

Or this tip…when you add seasonings and salt for soups you should do this in a gradual process throughout the entire cooking time. This provides a depth of flavors that cannot be achieved if you only only add the salt and seasonings at the end. If you only add stuff at the end, it really just tastes salty.

Or…Dried herbs really need liquid and time for absorbing to impart their flavors, so use those in soups where there is plenty of liquid plus quite a bit of cooking time. Try to only use fresh herbs (which cost more) when you aren’t cooking with much liquid or plan to only add the herbs at the end, right before serving.

I learned moderation must be key because
In 1989 eggs were bad but by 1992 they were great.
In 1990 butter was all the rage but in 1991 it was banned.

Even as a teenager I thought it was a bit odd how often different ‘studies’ conflicted each other.
Moderation, not a diet, is the only way to maintain a healthy body.

I learned benefits of raised garden beds and composting methods long before they were hip and trendy.

There is no doubt, my love of food and the geeky studies of food science, is a result of being bored and forced to do something I didn’t want to do.

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Reading what was on hand broadened my horizons and shaped me vastly into who I am as an adult.

Cooking and baking are my two biggest hobbies, hands down.

Nothing gets my time like my kitchen and nothing delights me more than friends at my kitchen table eating a home cooked, from scratch meal.

So the point is.

Allow your kids to be bored.

Allow them to drive you crazy and get used to them saying their friends get a tablet, a smart phone, a new whatever. Accept that you will often hear them yell “life isn’t fair”.

You know what, they are right.

LIFE ISN’T FAIR.

But the earlier you figure that out, the better off you’ll be.

Being bored has great results and unexpected outcomes.

I’m quite sure my parents never worried over my boredom and they had no intentional plans for me to become a foodie.

You may feel as if you are depriving your child if they aren’t constantly doing something FUN. You may feel as if you are doing something wrong if every minute of your child’s day isn’t jam packed in this overscheduled crazy busy society we live in.

But there is a beauty found in curling up in a window box seat with curtains whipping in the breeze as you read something you’d never normally read. Your imagination soars, your curiosity is cultivated, and your mind is exposed to new ways of thought.

No video game
No tablet
No smartphone
can ever win when compared with the lifetime of learning which results from being bored.

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So be brave, you moms & dad’s of the 21st century.

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” Dorothy Parker

Be empowered to take away the digital screen
even if it means they say they hate you.

Don’t feel guilty if you have to force them to go outside,
to play, to rediscover the natural world.

Be bold and hand them a book they’d never normally pick up by choice.

You just might be doing your kids’ future selves a favor.

jessica

 

03-29-2016

4 Easy & Fun Spring Break Crafts

Falling asleep last night, I asked my husband if we could homeschool.  You see, it’s Spring Break in our neck of the woods and that means lazy mornings, pajama clad bottoms, and outdoor excursions of who can jump the highest on the trampoline.

It’s sublime.

That’s exactly what home-schooling is like, right?

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Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) Jared isn’t a fan of me being the kids’ sole educator so back to school in a week they will go.

To be realistic, I’ve heard when you homeschool, you actually have to get stuff done! That’s where I’d have a problem…follow through isn’t my #1 skill.

I like the overall concept of homeschooling {especially the not rushing out the door in the morning} but I’d also be EXTREMELY happy if they’d just shorten the hours for public school. 7 hour work days + almost 1 hour of getting there and back {afternoon carpool lines are LONG in this town of mine} = almost 8 hours a day for kids who should be out exploring the great outdoors longer than the time they spend indoors every day.

I wish legislature would introduce a bill making school only 4-5 hours long. I promise you, you really can cover everything a kid needs to learn in less than 5 hours. But I have zero hope any legislature would ever introduce or sign that bill into being. Not only are there numerous parents reasons that would stand against it, but when the presidential race is as disheartening and low-class as it is this year, there is little confidence I have in government at the moment.

In other news, I’ve begun freelance writing!

I never set out to be a writer. Freshman English was a major battle with victory being anything other than a failing F. Redlined papers were the norm and constantly switching between present and past tense verbs seems to be something I am exceptional at.

But I’ve felt a calling on my heart to write more and when I say calling – I mean – I’ve tried to do anything other than write but yet I can never escape the voice in my head telling me to write. So I write my blog, do occasional freelance writing, and my newest goal is to write for 30 minutes every single day. Not with the purpose of publishing – but simply writing every. single. day.

So to the point of this post…I recently wrote Get Crafty This Spring: Easy projects to try with your crew for Lowcountry Parent. Activities for all age ranges are provided and the activities are not hard. I hope you’ll enjoy some quality time with your kids this spring break (or this summer) as you put together rafts and sailboats, create a zippered pouch perfect for holding treasures like rocks and seashells, or build a zipline for Goldie the Engineer.

{A huge thanks to the local businesses that dreamed up these activities and provided instructions. Huck Finn School. Five Eighth Seams. Camp Perri. Education Station.}

Today’s spring break agenda for us includes taking a nature walk to find the ‘perfect’ sticks for building this raft.

Enjoy your spring break being crafty and making messes with the kids!

jessica

10-13-2015

How to Become the Parent You Want to Be

After not so quietly emphasizing “please just go get dressed”, my son responds with an astute observation…

“Mom, your patience seems to be running low today.”

I smile back and quietly whisper…”Yes, I think you’ve got that right.”

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On the days when my patience seems lowest.
On the days when the words from my mouth are more likely to be sour rather than sweet.
On the days when I don’t think there is time to slow down & savor, time to breathe, or time to relax.

Those are my hardest parenting days. And I’ve come to realize that, more often than not,
my children’s behavior is not what leads to my frustrations and lack of patience.

More often than not, the problem is found in me.

It’s found in me not taking care of myself.
It’s found in me not bothering to set an alarm – hence we are running late for school and yet another tardy will send us to the principal’s office.
It’s found in me being frustrated at something in my own life that has nothing to do with the kids.

Whether it’s exhaustion after a night of poor rest,
feeling crappy because I haven’t taken time to exercise,
or a disagreement with my husband.

All of these things, and more, can easily result in me not being the parent I want to be.
So I really have to question where my frustrations are stemming from.

Am I upset with what my child is doing or am I simply not happy in my own circumstances?

I am certainly not saying that children shouldn’t be disciplined or that our children’s behavior never leads to frustration and less than best parenting.

But for me, I’ve found that the better I take care of myself, the better parent I can be.

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So if my goal is to yell less, have more patience, for the words from my mouth to overflow with grace…

Then I need to remind myself that they are only children. I’m the adult here. And I make a choice every day, every single moment, how to respond when their actions and choices are not what I would desire.

And the best way for me to make a parenting choice I am proud of is directly linked to how well I am taking care of myself.

Whether it’s waking up 30 minutes early {even if that means 5:30am} so I can have my quiet time with Christ in solitude, getting out with girlfriends one evening, or going to bed before I normally do so I can be well rested.

All these things help me parent with grace and kindness.

And if you think you just don’t have any extra time in your day to do something for yourself…
I promise that you do!
Even just setting aside a 15 minute walk can do wonders for anyone’s outlook.

It’s never too late to take care of ourselves so we can be the parents we seek to be.
jessica

{Insight into this concept was from The Orange Rhino blog. Years ago, I read this particular post of hers and #8 really hit home with me. I realized that way too often the problem with my parenting was found in me rather than what my children’s behavior was. I’ve come to realize that they will probably always walk a little slower than I think acceptable, be a bit more clingy than I’d prefer, etc. And when I choose to take care of myself first then I am able to make smarter, kinder, more grace filled parenting choices.}

Day 13 of the #write31days challenge!