11-26-2015

Giving Thanks

When Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Gifts | A Dare To Live Fully Right Where You Are, she had no idea how well the timing of that book would intersect with the tragedy I was engulfed in.

Five years ago we lost a family member, a best friend, a brother to suicide.
Nothing could have prepared me for the intense grief that follows losing someone to suicide.
Nothing.

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Mired down in sadness while somehow trying to raise a baby and a toddling two year old, I’ll never forget the day my friend Lindsey suggested I read this new book she’d just finished…”Jessica, I really think this would help you process everything you’re going through.”

I am beyond thankful she gave me that suggestion, because that one book forever altered how I view life.
It altered why I give thanks in the first place.
It altered my relationship with God.

It goes deep, it challenges you.
From the first paragraph, Ann’s words grip you and forces you to question…

Do you only give thanks for the easy?
Do you solely thank God when goodness abounds and life looks perfect?

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I still wrestle with the giving thanks for tragedy. I thank God for the friends that never left our side during that period of our lives. It’s easy to thank God for getting you through a time of tough finances. But thank him for job loss? Thank him a pregnancy ended? Thank him a brother died?

Yeah, not easy, right??

But reading Ann’s prose on how God doesn’t say that every gift is wrapped up magically tight with a beautiful red ribbon..it pushes me to the boundaries of my faith and as a result my relationship with Christ grows to greater depth.

I don’t understand why God answers some prayers
but other prayers I’m left in silence
with only the call of a Whippoorwill to keep me company.

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But I do believe he’s called me to find things, IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE, to give him thanks for.

Hence, this morning I journaled #4,163 in my every growing list of things to be thankful for.

Giving thanks, every day, multiple times a day…keeping a list of gratitude…choosing to find the positive instead of getting caught up in the negative….these are the things that change your life…these are the day to day actions that pull you out of the muck & mire…

Giving thanks is a choice you make every. single. moment.
Every. Single. Day.
What will you choose?

jessica

10-03-2015

What is a Servant’s Heart?

{Day 3 of the 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart series. Click here to see all series posts.}

Whispered worriedly in my ear are the words of a precocious little one “Mama, I’m sorry I used up all your dental floss, but I just had to make the Orb’s golden silk spider web”.

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The cords of floss thread in and out of every crevice in his room, making a spider web for this animal loving boy of mine.

It doesn’t matter how simple the task of navigating the spider web seems, I can’t do it without getting tripped up in the floss. And I’m reminded of just how often I get tripped up in this whole serving others thing.

I set out to serve with a gracious heart but instead I get so caught up in keeping track of all ‘my good’ that any love I started out with is gone before I’ve done more than just think about serving someone else.

So what is a servant’s heart and why in the world does it even matter?

A servant’s heart is bent towards gratitude that they are able to serve instead of resentment that they have to serve.

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?

So easy to grumble that my kids are legions beyond stir crazy as another 24 hours of flooding rain continues here. But when my perspective changes, I find myself thankful I have a roof over our head, no floodwaters are entering the safety of our home, and my kids are healthy & thriving based on the high decimal level echoing through the house.

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Perspective changes my heart from…

…I HAVE to make dinner yet again to I GET to provide a healthy nutritious meal for my family

…I HAVE to fold the never ending pile of laundry to I GET to provide a clean house for us to find rest in

…I HAVE to wash those dishes, bathe those kids, the list could go on & on….

But there is always time to take a step back and retrain my thought process to focus instead on the positive and the blessings I DO have in my life.

So that’s what I’m working towards this month.

Working to change the whispers in my heart from
I have to
towards
I get to.

jessica

 

{Written as part of the #write31days challenge. My entire series 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart can be found here.}