Metastatic Cancer, Stage 4, Inoperable…words you pray you never hear spoken. Words that shatter your world. Words that make you ponder just how much more He, God, will allow you to suffer? Wasn’t the Thursday evening phone call 3 years ago at 5:23 pm bad enough? Shouldn’t that be the worst your family has to muddle through?
That night we lost a brother…a best friend…a son, to suicide. The grief, the despair, the depression, the helplessness….it’s intangible. But moment by moment, day by day, you pick up the pieces until time passes and as the years tick by you find that the strongholds of grief are losing their grips.
And then, you receive the phone call that your mother in law has cancer. And it doesn’t look good.
You question God, you rail against Him in anger, you seek answers… You drop to your knees and slowly the faith that has kept you afloat your whole life, reminds you…
“Be careful, keep calm and don’t be afraid. If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” Isaiah 7:4 & 9
“… the God we serve is able to save us from it.. But even if he does not, …we will not serve your gods…(He is still good.)” Daniel 3:17
“Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food…
YET, (even then) I will rejoice in the Lord
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength” Habakkuk 3:17-19
All I want is order in my life and after 3 years of chaos, life was finally beginning to be somewhat normal. So now, I feel like we are starting back all over again…on the brink of another life storm.
So what’s a girl to do? GIVE IT (my worries, my desire for control, my helplessness) TO GOD. Which is SO much easier said than done.
The book of Psalms has been a constant companion throughout my life and I’ve long believed that there is nothing wrong with asking God “WHY” and bemoaning the situation in our lives, if we first…give Him praise.
So, here’s my list of praises to HIM…
~My MIL is staying positive & my children are able to spend quality time with her
~He has provided us with so many supportive family & friends
~No matter what happens in the weeks to come, He is a constant source of strength
And so, as we live out this storm in our lives, I am reminded of how crucial faith is to it all. Faith isn’t having all the answers, faith isn’t believing that everything will simply be all hunkey dorey…faith is having hope that there is a God, that there is a heaven, that He never leaves us, and that nothing separates us from Him.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39