10-26-2015

14 Tips to Strengthen The Friendships in Your Life: Part 2

Here’s my remaining 7 tips on building solid friendships with the women in your lives…

{Yesterday’s Tips are found here, or begin with Having A Servant’s Heart in Friendship.}

#8.Offer an abundance of grace

The subject of grace within Christianity goes like this…when I don’t deserve love, God still gives it to me.

And the same goes in friendships, in marriages, in parenting. When we give grace and continue to love even if a friend isn’t calling us as much as we wish they would. Or they are being a ‘stinkerboo’ as I call my daughter at times, they still need to know we’ve got their back and are always there for them.

#9.Be the bigger person

This goes right along with offering grace. Sometimes us ladies can resort to acting like our 16 year old selves. Or maybe that’s just me! But we all benefit when our friends can turn the other cheek and just give us some space when we aren’t perfect.

#10. Be your friend’s biggest cheerleader {you know…when they get something you’ve always wanted and you’re still waiting for prayers to be answered}

I’ve always been of the philosophy that it’s the tough times that prove who your best friends are. Because, in my mind, relationships show their true foundation when your world is falling apart.

But on the flip side, incredible is the friend who can be excited for you {or at least put on a brave face} when you are unexpectedly pregnant and she’s still waiting for those double lines to appear, or you get the job promotion and she just got laid off.

I’m not talking about not being authentic. Because being authentic is extremely important {see #13}. But when we can be real in our own feelings as well as be happy for our friend’s good news, then we are living out “that it’s not all about us”.

#11. Be an exceptional listener

This is one area I struggle with. One of my ‘best’ friends is an amazing listener. She leans close to hear what I have to say, she asks pressing questions in response rather than just commiserate about a similar situation in her own life. She’s ok not having all the answers I may need and she’s fully present in our conversation.

#12. Challenge one another

The friends who challenge us are ultimately our biggest cheerleaders. They believe in our greatest potential, even when we ourselves are afraid to dream boldly. She pushes you to new heights, dares you to live big, and whispers constant encouragement that YOU CAN DO THIS!

#13. Be Authentic

If there is one thing I hope to be remembered for, it would be my authenticity. If you can’t be real with your closest friends, then who are you going to be genuine with?

Wearing a facade and pretending your world is picture perfect leaves you fatigued and feeling less than. God loves you just the way you are, messy chaos and all. We all have areas in our lives we’d like to sweep under the rug. But when we open up and share our heartaches with one another, we become relatable.

#14. Never Be Afraid to Begin New Friendships

Since not all friendships last a lifetime, it’s always important to be building new ones. Taking a walk around the block with a new neighbor. Having coffee with an acquaintance. All important steps to flourish the friendships in your life.

{Day 26!!! of the #write31days challenge. I can barely believe I only have 5 more days left!!!}

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Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, Life, write31days Tagged With: #bff, #friendship, #truefriends, #write31days

10-25-2015

14 Tips To Strengthen the Friendships in Your Life: Part 1

As I wrote about on Friday, women need relationships with one another.
But friendships don’t just magically happen.

Here’s my list of 14 “How To’s” for building and maintaining deep substantial friendships.

{To break this post into a manageable reading chunk, I’m sharing 7 of the tips today with 7 more tomorrow.}

#1. Don’t Expect One Person to Meet All Your Needs

Just as a bicycle tire would have no strength with only one spoke on the wheel, the same goes for your friendships.

Having a smattering of friend’s to call on rather than depending upon just one person, will help all your friendships be healthier. Take me for example… there’s the friend I call when I need wisdom & clarity, the foodie friend who ‘gets’ my food issues, or the one who is always the cheerleader in my back corner.

#2. It’s about quality not quantity

While our social media presence can tout that we have 432 ‘friends’ and our latest instagram photo reached 76 ‘likes’, those are usually not the friendships that are going to ‘fill our buckets’.

We need friendships that are rooted in rich fertile soil. Whether we live cross country or just down the block, these are the relationships that have stood the test of time, through the good and the bad. It doesn’t matter if that number totals 3, those are the relationships to concentrate your time on.

#3. Make friendships a priority

Friendships were a lot easier before getting married! Back then, I had all the time in the world. But when you throw a spouse plus a handful of kids into life, friendships easily take the back seat. One day your girlfriends are throwing you a baby shower and the next day you realize you haven’t truly caught up with those same girlfriends for months.

Making friendships a priority takes the sacrifice of your time; but is a sacrifice well worth it. In order to build those deep quality relationships you want, you have to step away from the screen and step into face to face communion with one another.

#4. Reach out in unexpected ways

I’ll never forget a few years ago when our whole family was sick {at both ends} for more than a week. Then the “stomach bug” as we politely call it, stopped up the toilet!! You know you have a friend for life when she brings you a new plunger!

Whether it’s a meal, a hug, or a plunger….always be willing to go out of your way to help a friend in need.

#5. The world doesn’t revolve around you

I was once lamenting about an extremely trivial situation to my older sister and she shared very wise advice {that I’m embarrassed to admit I really needed to hear}…Jessica, the world does not revolve around you!

But gosh, don’t we act like it? At least I do. It is easy to feel slighted when you see a FB photo of girlfriends that doesn’t include you or when someone hasn’t returned a phone call. But sometimes, your friend has real junk going on in their lives and they simply need you to… be the bigger person, reach out to them or just give them some grace.

#6. Say Thank You

All relationships {marriages included} can benefit from a sincere “thanks for all you do”. Just as our spouses need to be appreciated, our friends need the same.

7. Some friendships are only in your life for a season

It can be a sad reality, but not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime.

Some friendships are toxic and just aren’t healthy. Then there are some friendships that diminish in closeness due to a change in locations or simply due to becoming different people as you go through life, and that is ok!
With that said, every friendship changes as time passes. Even lifelong friendships go through periods when you aren’t as close and that is normal.

Click here to read tips #8-#14 on building strong friendships.

{These friendship tips are all part of my 31 Days to A Servant’s Heart writing challenge.}

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Filed Under: Confessions, Life, write31days Tagged With: #friendsforlife, #friendship

10-23-2015

A Servant’s Heart in Friendship

A wise sage friend once told me, true lasting friendship consists of an ebb and flow.
Sometimes you give more than you get.
Sometimes you are in the seat of taking more than you can provide.
But in the tidal flow of life, it all equals out.

A servant’s heart in friendship doesn’t keep track of whose called whom the most.
Instead, we savor the blessing of this thing we share.
This friendship that is our ‘walking diary’, our support system when the rest of the world fails us.

For women, our friendships are what keep us sane. What keep us whole.

My Grandma lost her husband when she was 37. She never remarried, raising 4 young kids and running a dairy farm solo. As I watched her spend countless hours on the phone with Mrs. Bristol, one of her closest friends, I wondered if perhaps women’s friendships aren’t one of the most important building blocks in a woman’s life?

Whether from divorce or widowhood, marriage isn’t necessarily the longest relationship you will have in life.

If that’s the case, shouldn’t we all strive to strengthen and deepen the friendships we share ‘woman to woman’?

In the days following my brother in law’s suicide, I’m not sure what I would have done without my closest girl friends. From dropping everything going on in their lives to be with me, giving me advice as the estate dragged on for forever, bringing me meal after meal, answering my phone calls even though they had to know I was going to have an endless pity party of what my life looked like.

Friends are what get you through the roughest days. Friends are what keep you rationale and help you process the muddled understandings in your brain. Friends are your biggest cheerleaders with never ending whispers of encouragement…

Want to read more on this topic…read my 14 Tips To Building Strong Friendships.

{Today’s post is day 23 of the #write31days challenge! Click here to view all my post in the series titled 31 Days to A Servant’s Heart.}

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Filed Under: Life, write31days Tagged With: #friendship, marriage

10-22-2015

Confession of a People Pleasing Lady

{Whew…I’m getting pretty humble up in here today…sharing my flaws with ya’ll.}

I wish it weren’t so, but sometimes when I serve others, I consider how great it’s going to make me look.

It’s not intentional, I never consciously aim to do that.

But a few years ago, upon some deep reflection, I realized I often want people to know all the ways I serve others.

Yeah, that’s me… this approval seeking, people pleasing lady.

Blame it on the middle child syndrome, but all I want is for other people to like me.

And you know what, they probably do already…so why am I going out of my way to blatantly seek it?
And if they don’t, then who cares???

I remember Anah who sat beside me for years.
Us young twenty year olds, crammed into a much too small cubicle, making way too many cold calls.

One day she shared how each evening she made her husband an amazing sandwich when he got off work.
The sandwich sounded like a creation worthy of Dagworth’s fame in Blondie.

The awe inspiring part of her story was that Anah made the sandwich as an act of true love.

You could just tell. It wasn’t for her husband’s praise. She didn’t tell me so I would think she was a great wife.

We just happened to be talking about her husband having to work late and as a consequence he didn’t really eat dinner. Thus, she made him something really special every evening. I’ll never forget the smile on her face when she talked about making it. She delighted in doing such a mundane task and filling that work with an abundance of joy.

Her serving was simply an outpouring of the love she had towards her husband.

When we serve others with a gracious heart we aren’t focused on the accolades or the recognition. I’m reminded in Anah’s story that a serving heart is most often found in the mundane, in the small tasks we do every single day that never receive a thank you or praise.

And I pray, that as I grow older and wiser, my heart will be more content to serve without being seen.

{Day 22 of the #write31days challenge. I’m writing all about A Servant’s Heart, the series list can be found here.}

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Filed Under: Family, Life, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #aservantsheart, #truesacrifice

10-13-2015

How to Become the Parent You Want to Be

After not so quietly emphasizing “please just go get dressed”, my son responds with an astute observation…

“Mom, your patience seems to be running low today.”

I smile back and quietly whisper…”Yes, I think you’ve got that right.”

On the days when my patience seems lowest.
On the days when the words from my mouth are more likely to be sour rather than sweet.
On the days when I don’t think there is time to slow down & savor, time to breathe, or time to relax.

Those are my hardest parenting days. And I’ve come to realize that, more often than not,
my children’s behavior is not what leads to my frustrations and lack of patience.

More often than not, the problem is found in me.

It’s found in me not taking care of myself.
It’s found in me not bothering to set an alarm – hence we are running late for school and yet another tardy will send us to the principal’s office.
It’s found in me being frustrated at something in my own life that has nothing to do with the kids.

Whether it’s exhaustion after a night of poor rest,
feeling crappy because I haven’t taken time to exercise,
or a disagreement with my husband.

All of these things, and more, can easily result in me not being the parent I want to be.
So I really have to question where my frustrations are stemming from.

Am I upset with what my child is doing or am I simply not happy in my own circumstances?

I am certainly not saying that children shouldn’t be disciplined or that our children’s behavior never leads to frustration and less than best parenting.

But for me, I’ve found that the better I take care of myself, the better parent I can be.

So if my goal is to yell less, have more patience, for the words from my mouth to overflow with grace…

Then I need to remind myself that they are only children. I’m the adult here. And I make a choice every day, every single moment, how to respond when their actions and choices are not what I would desire.

And the best way for me to make a parenting choice I am proud of is directly linked to how well I am taking care of myself.

Whether it’s waking up 30 minutes early {even if that means 5:30am} so I can have my quiet time with Christ in solitude, getting out with girlfriends one evening, or going to bed before I normally do so I can be well rested.

All these things help me parent with grace and kindness.

And if you think you just don’t have any extra time in your day to do something for yourself…
I promise that you do!
Even just setting aside a 15 minute walk can do wonders for anyone’s outlook.

It’s never too late to take care of ourselves so we can be the parents we seek to be.

{Insight into this concept was from The Orange Rhino blog. Years ago, I read this particular post of hers and #8 really hit home with me. I realized that way too often the problem with my parenting was found in me rather than what my children’s behavior was. I’ve come to realize that they will probably always walk a little slower than I think acceptable, be a bit more clingy than I’d prefer, etc. And when I choose to take care of myself first then I am able to make smarter, kinder, more grace filled parenting choices.}

Day 13 of the #write31days challenge!

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Filed Under: Faith, Family, Life, Parenting, write31days Tagged With: #parentingwithgrace, #yelllesslovemore

10-12-2015

A True Servant is Focused on Giving rather than Getting

Unfortunately, I sometimes {more times than I’d like to admit} utter up phrases that sound something like this…
“If I do this whatever it is, then will you do this other thing for me?”

What better description of a non servant’s heart is there,
than a servant who only serves so that they in turn will be served?

If my service to others is about what I’m going to get in return, then it is all for naught.

As Tim Keller writes, “When you say, “I’ll serve, as long as I’m getting benefits from it,” that’s not actually serving people; it’s serving yourself through them. That’s not circling them, orbiting around them; it’s using them, getting them to orbit around you.”

Part of putting other people before yourself means that we aren’t looking for what we will receive on the flip side. Instead, we care more about the needs of other’s than caring about what they can do for us.

One of the best examples I’ve ever read on this topic, especially with it related to marriage, was written in a viral blog post by Seth Adams Smith. He writes “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy… a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

So when I’m stuck in my rut of keeping track of whose done more or what can I ask for in return,
I have to remind myself to pray.

Asking God to keep my heart focused on giving rather than focusing on what I am receiving.

{Day 12 of the #write31days challenge. Every day I get more & more excited as I inch ever more closely to October 31! Click here to see a listing of all the posts written in this series. Or click on the right sidebar link to receive these posts in your inbox.}

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Filed Under: Confessions, Faith, Family, Life, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #lifelessons, #truelove, #write31days, marriage

10-10-2015

Thoughts on being subservient in marriage…yes, I’m going there!

Today is Day 10 of my writing for 31 days in a row and in many ways it is thrilling to try a challenge. But I find that on the weekends I have little motivation to write. If the post is not going to be read by many {which might happen on the weekend} then I don’t feel like writing.

So I am having to remind myself of my motivation to participate in this challenge. It wasn’t to grow blog traffic or the quantity of people signed up for post in their inbox. Those are nice bonuses, but the real reason was to improve my writing and become more consistent in how often I blog.

So even though I feel like time is running out on me getting a blog completed today, I am reminding myself it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just Do It will be my mantra for this post.

I often hear people say that the Bible is antiquated in its view of a woman being subservient to a man. And to some extent, I get it, because when I google Subservient, the definition is blaring and I would never want those synonyms to describe me.

sub·ser·vi·ent

adjective

prepared to obey others unquestioningly.

synonyms: submissive, downtrodden, obedient, biddable, passive, unassertive, docile, subdued

But what if preachers {and readers of the Word} focused on the Bible as a whole?

Looked at the Bible as THE SUM OF IT’S PARTS.

Not just pulling out this verse or that single word and basing whole platforms on them.

What if instead of only preaching on women being subservient, they also preached on the importance of men serving their wives as Christ served the church?

Which means being willing to lose their life for their spouse.
Giving up your life sounds all glorious but isn’t the majority of serving found in the mundane, in the everyday?

So perhaps men should lose themselves every day for their wives?

….Tell your wife to get out with her friends for the evening after your extremely long day at work. Even though that means you’ve got to handle all three kids by yourself, along with making dinner, giving baths, and wrangling kids to that thing called bedtime. Sure, it isn’t fun, it isn’t easy…but it’s putting your wife above yourself first.

…Or what if it’s truly listening and engaging with your wife when she talks about her not interesting day…we get that diapers and breastfeeding aren’t exciting. But when a husband takes the time and effort to listen, then us women, want to do the same for our husbands.

I think we need to look at husbands as being just as much of a servant to their wives, as their wives are to them.

I get that this is a controversial topic and there is so much more I could say on the topic.. For example, I consider myself extremely blessed to have a husband who highly respects me…so for me, it’s not hard to think about serving my spouse because he serves me so well.

But for way too many women, their husband’s are abusive, controlling, demanding…everything Christ commands a man NOT to be to his wife. So where does the subservient relationship fit into those roles? I’m not sure.

I just wanted to share my thoughts on the topic because I don’t think you can discuss how to serve your spouse without also considering the meaning of being subservient.

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Filed Under: Faith, Family, Life, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #subservience, #write31days

10-06-2015

The SC Flood Rages On: How You Can Help

Yesterday’s post was all lighthearted and fun but today’s is a bit more somber. And even though I woke up planning to write on A Servant’s Heart in Marriage for my series post, I just couldn’t. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Right now, there are people losing their homes because of the floodwaters in our state and my heart breaks for them.

The people of Columbia, SC need your prayers. Really really badly. The latest count was at least 18 dams have been breached. People’s homes are being destroyed by floodwaters and their lives will forever be altered. I’m sure they are thankful for the skin on their backs but I can’t imagine what life would be like if you had to start over from scratch. Which reminds me that whatever physical comforts we wrack up, all of it can be gone in the blink of an eye.

And here in the Lowcountry, we do have flooding but, in my opinion – me with the dry house & simply a soggy yard, our woes are nothing like Columbia where rivers are spewing and many have no drinking water and others now have no home.

Beltline Rosewood Dr rescue (Source: WIS)

{Beltline Rosewood Drive Rescue: Source: WIS}

So even though Day 5 of kids at home again may seem rough at first, I’m reminded the importance of perspective and how thankful I am for a home not standing in water, for safe kids, and for the gift of time to be with them when they still want to spend time with me.

If you want to help the victims of the #SCFlood you can partner with either the American Red Cross, Salvation Army, or The United Way.

Most of all, please pray that those in danger could be rescued safely. The rivers are continuing to rise and may not crest for a few more weeks.

jessica

{Today is day 6 of the series 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart that I am writing for #write31days.}

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Filed Under: Life, write31days Tagged With: #scflood

10-05-2015

Photojournal of A Flooded Lowcountry Experience

The governor calls it a once in a thousand year rain deluge.

We call this whole thing deranged, us with our restless kids, antsy to do something other than endure another day long marathon of PBS Kids.

So this morning again, rather than stick to the Servant’s Heart topic for #write31days, I thought I’d share photos of all the flooding we’ve been wading through over the last 5 days.

Enjoy!

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Filed Under: Family, Life, write31days Tagged With: #chsnews, #hurricanejoaquin, #lowcountry

10-02-2015

10 Fun Filled Activities for Rainy Days at Home

Despite all my best plans, today’s #write31days has not gone according to plan. So we are deviating away from A Servant’s Heart and I’m simply writing with the time I have available.

That is what happens when your school district decides to close school because there is a rain storm on the way.

Yep, you heard that right.

We had no school today because of potential flooding.

As of 3:43pm this afternoon, it’s rained a total of .0000001 inches. I’m just not sure how those kids in the Pacific Northwest ever get any schooling since I’ve heard it rains all the time there. {I’m sure you couldn’t hear the sarcasm in my voice there, could you??}

In reality, I get that downtown Charleston is quite flooded. But the suburbs…not so much.

And the funny part is people think the rain has something to do with the hurricane. It doesn’t. Not one inch.
The hurricane is 556 miles away battering the poor people in the Bahamas. But us in Charleston, it’s doing nothing. I’ve even heard that Florida weather looks pretty great today!

So on to something meaningful…here are 10 ideas on how to spend a rainy day with stir crazy kids at home. Most include stuff you already have at home, proving that for kids {and adults} fun is not dependent upon dollars spent.

1. Shaving Cream Fights
Put your kids in the shower {or tub} and let them go to town with some bottles of shaving cream. The cheaper the stuff, the better.

2. Build a super duper fort {with an air mattress for even more fun}

3. Splash in puddles {i know, not very original, but a childhood classic}

4. Have a mud flinging contest {we are a bit of a messy family, if you can’t tell!}

5. Make yummy desserts {I hope to post recipe next week!}

6. Make lego creations solely to be entered into the Lego Club Magazine

7. Make a shaving cream {snow} village on your kitchen table

8. Build spider webs with dental floss or twine. Then try to walk/crawl through without falling. I’ve never
made it through one without getting twisted up.

9. Make really weird stuff with modeling clay

10. Bring out the science experiments

STAY DRY!!!

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Filed Under: Family, Life, write31days Tagged With: #hurricane, #hurricanejoaquin, #rainydays, #write31days

14 Tips to Strengthen The Friendships in Your Life: Part 2

14 Tips To Strengthen the Friendships in Your Life: Part 1

A Servant’s Heart in Friendship

Confession of a People Pleasing Lady

How to Become the Parent You Want to Be

A True Servant is Focused on Giving rather than Getting

Thoughts on being subservient in marriage…yes, I’m going there!

The SC Flood Rages On: How You Can Help

Photojournal of A Flooded Lowcountry Experience

10 Fun Filled Activities for Rainy Days at Home

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