10-22-2014

How to stop beating yourself up…if only I had a way to make that happen

Sun rays shine through the broken window blinds, cascading micro dust particles throughout the air. But do I notice? Or am I too busy hurrying a child out the door? When my children look back on their life will the words, never softly spoken, “hurry up, we are late” be the echoes that resound in their heads?

And when I go to bed at night, do I ever allow myself to say “good job, Jessica” you made a difference in your child’s life today? Or do I tell myself yet again where I failed. Remind myself again of all the things I didn’t do. Beat myself up, yet again?

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If you were to criticize your friends and your husband as much as you criticize yourself, you probably wouldn’t have friends or a husband. So if we are nice and encouraging to others, why don’t we apply the golden rule to how we treat ourselves?

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Why is it, as women, we focus on all those should have beens, all those I didn’t do’s?

Whether you have 6 children or none. Whether you are a working in an office mama or a patience stretched to the max homebound mama, aren’t you doing your very best for your children?

At the end of the day we all stretch the elasticity of ourselves as thin as the thinnest pizza dough to make every sacrifice we can that will benefit our children.

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We give our time, our money, our energy, our patience…every resource we have…if it will in some way make our children’s lives better. So why don’t we pat ourselves on the back? Call a time out?

Or even better, say game over?

Perhaps tonight when you sink into that worn mattress between sheets filled with sand and dirt smudges because you just didn’t have the heart to tell your child to stop jumping on the bed…what if in that moment you told yourself “Good Job”? Reminded yourself of all you DID do…
Today, I gave a hug. Today, I smiled at my child. Today, I bent down on one knee to look at that grubby frog in those muddy hands. Today, I overlooked the dirt in my son’s fingernails that will never go away as every single day he says so filled with childlife truth “I forgot I wasn’t suppose to use my hands as diggers”.

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Wouldn’t it be so nice if I had a magic formula that would tell you how to make this happen? Drink this can of 10 calorie sugar water and you will be soooo nice to yourself. But you know what, I don’t have a magic fairy wand to wave and make myself be nicer to myself.

But I, and you, do have the ability to be intentional.

To ask God in prayer to help me be nicer to myself.

To acknowledge and let seep into your pores, into your hearts deepest darkest corner the resounding fact that God loves you just as you are. He delights in You! He sees you and He doesn’t see all your mistakes, all your should have done’s. He see’s you and He smiles exhuberantly thinking…How precious are you to me, my child!

Tonight when you lay your head down on your pillow, may you pray for God to help you see yourself through His lenses. A beautiful strong woman, an amazing ever giving mama, a compassionate wife…a child of the King.

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08-19-2013

The Beginning of the End

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I like to categorize my kid’s lives into 4 distinct phases.

Phase I: Birth to PreSchool
Phase 2: Kindergarten to High School Graduation
Phase 3: College to Wedding Day
Phase 4: Being Married

In less than 48 hours, my son will enter kindergarten and don’t get me wrong…I am beyond EXCITED for this new journey. But I can’t get past the feeling that this is it. Everything he has to know in order to be a responsible, independent, caring, and fun adult has to be learned in the next 13 years. So to say I am stressed out is more than an understatement.

But the things I am stressed about, I am pretty sure no one else is even thinking about…

There’s his shorts…do you know how difficult it is to find shorts for boys??? It is SO hard to find shorts that are elastic waist (we haven’t conquered buttons yet) and actually fit well. For whatever reason, I am convinced that if his shorts come down in the back and show his underwear or heaven forbid, a little crack, then he’s going to be made fun of in school.

Then, there’s all these back to school eve dinners that my friends have. Really??? You’re making me feel kind of lame right now…I can’t get that organized!! Not only do they decorate the table beautifully and make a yummy meal, but they also pick a Bible verse as a theme for the school year. How do they possibly pick just 1 verse to cover everything? And when am I suppose to sit down with my husband and find out what he thinks are good lessons for them? And then, how do they get their kids to sit still at dinner, because at my house it’s more like two banchee indians running wild around the table. (And if you are hosting a back to school eve dinner, my hats go off to you. You really do inspire me!)

And then I’m stressed about all this stuff he has to take to kindergarten. For example, when is the best day to take the stuff…the first day, at the meet the teacher meeting, some other day? And what about those red & green folders I searched all over for, just so he could bring home paperwork in folders that are his favorite colors. Do they just take all the items and put them in a closet? Because, if he takes the whole bounty of items to school in a paper bag (our current plan) then does that mean he may end up with folders not in his favorite color. (I know, I know…just typing this out makes me realize how hysterical I sound!!) But really, why can’t they include instructions such as…In his book bag, please include the following items. In a separate grocery bag, please include the other items. And please bring all items in at the meet the teacher meeting. Those detailed instructions would be much preferred by moi.

So my current plan for these next 48 hours is to spend a lot of time in prayer, I obviously need it.  I’ve got to get over my fears of him being made fun of, have confidence that, special dinner or not, my husband and I will help guide him as he navigates this new journey, and to be able to just let go of all these trivial concerns and instead enjoy these last few days of simple childhood.

I’m hoping you are much less stressed about kindergarten and school than me!!

Jess

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