10-26-2015

14 Tips to Strengthen The Friendships in Your Life: Part 2

Here’s my remaining 7 tips on building solid friendships with the women in your lives…

{Yesterday’s Tips are found here, or begin with Having A Servant’s Heart in Friendship.}

#8.Offer an abundance of grace

The subject of grace within Christianity goes like this…when I don’t deserve love, God still gives it to me.

And the same goes in friendships, in marriages, in parenting. When we give grace and continue to love even if a friend isn’t calling us as much as we wish they would. Or they are being a ‘stinkerboo’ as I call my daughter at times, they still need to know we’ve got their back and are always there for them.

#9.Be the bigger person

This goes right along with offering grace. Sometimes us ladies can resort to acting like our 16 year old selves. Or maybe that’s just me! But we all benefit when our friends can turn the other cheek and just give us some space when we aren’t perfect.

#10. Be your friend’s biggest cheerleader {you know…when they get something you’ve always wanted and you’re still waiting for prayers to be answered}

I’ve always been of the philosophy that it’s the tough times that prove who your best friends are. Because, in my mind, relationships show their true foundation when your world is falling apart.

But on the flip side, incredible is the friend who can be excited for you {or at least put on a brave face} when you are unexpectedly pregnant and she’s still waiting for those double lines to appear, or you get the job promotion and she just got laid off.

I’m not talking about not being authentic. Because being authentic is extremely important {see #13}. But when we can be real in our own feelings as well as be happy for our friend’s good news, then we are living out “that it’s not all about us”.

#11. Be an exceptional listener

This is one area I struggle with. One of my ‘best’ friends is an amazing listener. She leans close to hear what I have to say, she asks pressing questions in response rather than just commiserate about a similar situation in her own life. She’s ok not having all the answers I may need and she’s fully present in our conversation.

#12. Challenge one another

The friends who challenge us are ultimately our biggest cheerleaders. They believe in our greatest potential, even when we ourselves are afraid to dream boldly. She pushes you to new heights, dares you to live big, and whispers constant encouragement that YOU CAN DO THIS!

#13. Be Authentic

If there is one thing I hope to be remembered for, it would be my authenticity. If you can’t be real with your closest friends, then who are you going to be genuine with?

Wearing a facade and pretending your world is picture perfect leaves you fatigued and feeling less than. God loves you just the way you are, messy chaos and all. We all have areas in our lives we’d like to sweep under the rug. But when we open up and share our heartaches with one another, we become relatable.

#14. Never Be Afraid to Begin New Friendships

Since not all friendships last a lifetime, it’s always important to be building new ones. Taking a walk around the block with a new neighbor. Having coffee with an acquaintance. All important steps to flourish the friendships in your life.

{Day 26!!! of the #write31days challenge. I can barely believe I only have 5 more days left!!!}

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Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, Life, write31days Tagged With: #bff, #friendship, #truefriends, #write31days

10-20-2015

Cooking Tip #2: How to Easily Cut Open a Winter Squash

I’ll never forget the first Thanksgiving meal we hosted at our house. Newly married and ferociously excited to entertain, I encountered a problem of epic proportions.

No, it wasn’t the stress of a turkey taking an hour and a half longer than planned, to cook in that deep fryer vat of oil. And it wasn’t worrying over in-laws and parents spending time together.

No, my biggest worry was how to cut open a rutabaga without losing a thumb or slicing my wrist artery. Winter squash are one of the hardest things to cut open without damaging yourself in the process.

I survived the experience without a trip to the ER and have since perfected the method.

All you need is a crinkle cutter {they can be found for less than $10} and a meat tenderizer mallet.

It’s so safe, you can actually let your children help.
Which I would never recommend if you are cutting winter squash the old fashioned way.

You’ll basically hammer the mallet on top of the crinkle cutter, so choose a cutter that can withstand a lot of pounding. Mine is from Pampered Chef {remember all those PC parties you attended back in the early 2000’s?} and even with a plastic handle – it has held up well.

Position the cutter on the side/middle of the squash and wedge in as much as you can. Then start whacking the top of the cutter with your meat mallet. The cutter will slowly begin to edge through the squash.

The more dense the squash, the more pounding that is required. So a spaghetti squash isn’t as hard to cut through as a rutabaga. Once the squash is cut in half, you can more easily peel the squash and then begin cutting {with a real butcher’s knife} into the desired size.

You can even use this method to cut the top off of pumpkins!

I hope this tip helps save your thumbs this fall & winter season!

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Filed Under: Gardening, Recipes, write31days Tagged With: #cookingtips, #write31days, foodie

10-19-2015

Spewing Evil – The treacherous game of criticism in marriage

There are numerous qualities that I think comprise a servant’s heart…

Trusts the good intentions of another…
Serves without seeking praise…
Doesn’t keep a list of whose done more…
Lets go of resentments…
Seeks other’s comfort first…
Does not criticize…

When you pledge your life to another, do you think it’s going to be a bed of roses?

Well, as Gran informed me on my wedding day…

Wedding day bliss cannot be contained but as time rolls into years and years into decades, this person we’ve promised to serve and encourage begins to dim a bit in our eyes. Eventually, we find ourselves compiling lists of their flaws, of all the things we just KNOW they need to change.

At least that is what happened to me.

But what has taken me a decade long of learning to realize, is that no amount of criticism makes any situation better.

Criticism wears a person down.
Criticism weakens my marriage.
Criticism breaks the threads of friendship we share.

While we all have areas in our life we need to improve, is criticism the best way to go about it?

Is a loving, kind, constructive word not always more readily heard than a word meant to destroy and destruct?

Perhaps I should be focused on improving myself rather than my husband.

Jesus knew what He was talking about when he spoke of how people judge the specks in other’s rather than focus on the log’s in their own lives.

It is infinitely easier to focus on a spouse’s ‘wrongs’ and ignore my own.
Because if I focus on my own shortcomings then I actually have to work on me, be disciplined, have self control.
{All areas I sorely lack in.}

I can criticize, rant, and harp all day long.

But hold my tongue in a bout of anger?
Stay silent when I’m bursting with evil words?
Put a smile on my face and instead give LOVE abundently?

Those actions take work and seem insurmountable.

Christ reminds me though that the work is not for me to accomplish alone.
God wants me to depend on Him for the changes I long for.

As I lean on God to sculpt my heart with gratitude and grace, I strengthen my relationship with Him.
When I remember it is not my job as a spouse to change and fix my partner, then my marriage grows stronger.

Christ, would you show us today all the wonderful ways our spouse loves us.
Give us eyes that see all their fantastic attributes.
Help us appreciate all they do as a parent, friend, and spouse.

{Written as part of my 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart series. Click here to see all post within this series.}

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Filed Under: Confessions, Faith, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #truelove, #write31days, marriage

10-12-2015

A True Servant is Focused on Giving rather than Getting

Unfortunately, I sometimes {more times than I’d like to admit} utter up phrases that sound something like this…
“If I do this whatever it is, then will you do this other thing for me?”

What better description of a non servant’s heart is there,
than a servant who only serves so that they in turn will be served?

If my service to others is about what I’m going to get in return, then it is all for naught.

As Tim Keller writes, “When you say, “I’ll serve, as long as I’m getting benefits from it,” that’s not actually serving people; it’s serving yourself through them. That’s not circling them, orbiting around them; it’s using them, getting them to orbit around you.”

Part of putting other people before yourself means that we aren’t looking for what we will receive on the flip side. Instead, we care more about the needs of other’s than caring about what they can do for us.

One of the best examples I’ve ever read on this topic, especially with it related to marriage, was written in a viral blog post by Seth Adams Smith. He writes “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy… a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

So when I’m stuck in my rut of keeping track of whose done more or what can I ask for in return,
I have to remind myself to pray.

Asking God to keep my heart focused on giving rather than focusing on what I am receiving.

{Day 12 of the #write31days challenge. Every day I get more & more excited as I inch ever more closely to October 31! Click here to see a listing of all the posts written in this series. Or click on the right sidebar link to receive these posts in your inbox.}

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Filed Under: Confessions, Faith, Family, Life, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #lifelessons, #truelove, #write31days, marriage

10-11-2015

Hungarian Beef Stew

For my friends that do not enjoy chopping vegetables and cooking for a few hours at a time…this is not the recipe for you!

But if your sweet spot is found in front of a stove this recipe was made for you!

I’ll never forget the first time I had Hungarian Beef Stew years ago. There was a torrential rainstorm outside. I had no idea what to make for dinner and didn’t want to venture to the store amidst the downpour and yucky weather. But the idea of whittling away a few hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon in my kitchen sounded delightful. For I’ve always found a cathartic release in chopping vegetable after vegetable and in stirring a pot of stew as it slowly simmers unhurriedly .

On this particular afternoon, the icing on top was that I could use pantry staples to make the stew. I didn’t have to put on galoshes and contend with my ever so often broken umbrella. Instead, I opened my cabinet & freezer doors, and was able to pull together everything I needed.

So here’s to my fellow kitchen foodies who find much contentment in making a meal to serve those they love.

Beef & Sweet Potato Stew

We can tomatoes every summer, so I use them for all my soups and stews. It is a great way to take advantage of summer ripeness in the dead of winter. But I understand not everyone ‘puts up’ as those from my childhood called canning. In place of home canned tomatoes, you can use whole peeled plum tomatoes, but you will need to use a kitchen shearing knife to cut the tomatoes up so they aren’t whole in your stew.

1 large sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1/2" to 1" cubes
2 large whole carrots, cut into 1/2" cubes
1 cup chopped yellow or sweet onion
2 large garlic cloves, minced
1 lb beef stew meat, cut into 1/2" to 1" cubes
2 tsp sweet smoked paprika
1/2 tsp cardamon
1/4 tsp coriander
1/4 tsp ground chipotle pepper
1/4 tsp ground chili powder
kosher salt & ground black pepper
3 TBSP Gluten Free Flour mix {or even just brown rice flour}
2 cups beef broth
32 ozs canned tomatoes {see note}
3 bay leaves
4-6 slices cooked, chopped bacon
1-2 cups finely chopped spinach

Heat a few teaspoons of olive oil in a dutch oven on medium heat until warm.

Add sweet potatoes and carrots, along with a sprinkling of salt & ground pepper.

Saute for 5 minutes, stirring every minute or so. Then add a dash more olive oil along with the onions and another sprinkling of salt & pepper. Saute the mixture, stirring as needed, for another 7-10 minutes until the onions are translucent.

As the vegetables cook, mix together in a small bowl the stew meat, spices, 1/2 tsp kosher salt, and 1/4 tsp ground pepper. Once meat is seasoned, add in flour and coat all pieces of the meat well.

Add stew meat, along with a bit more olive oil if needed, to the pan and allow to sear for 2-3 minutes. Add garlic and stir well with a wooden spoon.

Add the broth to the pan and using a whisk, scrape the bottom of the pan so all the little bits of brown 'stuff' comes up. This is what impacts huge flavor into your stew.

Once the bottom is sufficiently scraped, add in the canned tomatoes, bay leaves, and bacon.

Bring the stew to simmering {just a few bubbles pop up every minute or so} and allow to simmer for approximately 1-2 hours until the meat is tender.

Stir in the chopped spinach and taste to see if more salt or pepper is needed.

Enjoy!

{Day 11 of #write31days challenge.}

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Filed Under: Gardening, Recipes, write31days Tagged With: #write31days, comfortfood, dinner, food

10-10-2015

Thoughts on being subservient in marriage…yes, I’m going there!

Today is Day 10 of my writing for 31 days in a row and in many ways it is thrilling to try a challenge. But I find that on the weekends I have little motivation to write. If the post is not going to be read by many {which might happen on the weekend} then I don’t feel like writing.

So I am having to remind myself of my motivation to participate in this challenge. It wasn’t to grow blog traffic or the quantity of people signed up for post in their inbox. Those are nice bonuses, but the real reason was to improve my writing and become more consistent in how often I blog.

So even though I feel like time is running out on me getting a blog completed today, I am reminding myself it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just Do It will be my mantra for this post.

I often hear people say that the Bible is antiquated in its view of a woman being subservient to a man. And to some extent, I get it, because when I google Subservient, the definition is blaring and I would never want those synonyms to describe me.

sub·ser·vi·ent

adjective

prepared to obey others unquestioningly.

synonyms: submissive, downtrodden, obedient, biddable, passive, unassertive, docile, subdued

But what if preachers {and readers of the Word} focused on the Bible as a whole?

Looked at the Bible as THE SUM OF IT’S PARTS.

Not just pulling out this verse or that single word and basing whole platforms on them.

What if instead of only preaching on women being subservient, they also preached on the importance of men serving their wives as Christ served the church?

Which means being willing to lose their life for their spouse.
Giving up your life sounds all glorious but isn’t the majority of serving found in the mundane, in the everyday?

So perhaps men should lose themselves every day for their wives?

….Tell your wife to get out with her friends for the evening after your extremely long day at work. Even though that means you’ve got to handle all three kids by yourself, along with making dinner, giving baths, and wrangling kids to that thing called bedtime. Sure, it isn’t fun, it isn’t easy…but it’s putting your wife above yourself first.

…Or what if it’s truly listening and engaging with your wife when she talks about her not interesting day…we get that diapers and breastfeeding aren’t exciting. But when a husband takes the time and effort to listen, then us women, want to do the same for our husbands.

I think we need to look at husbands as being just as much of a servant to their wives, as their wives are to them.

I get that this is a controversial topic and there is so much more I could say on the topic.. For example, I consider myself extremely blessed to have a husband who highly respects me…so for me, it’s not hard to think about serving my spouse because he serves me so well.

But for way too many women, their husband’s are abusive, controlling, demanding…everything Christ commands a man NOT to be to his wife. So where does the subservient relationship fit into those roles? I’m not sure.

I just wanted to share my thoughts on the topic because I don’t think you can discuss how to serve your spouse without also considering the meaning of being subservient.

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Filed Under: Faith, Family, Life, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #subservience, #write31days

10-09-2015

PB & Chocolate & Hazelnut Dessert Bars with Sea Salt

It’s Friday and what better way to end the week than dreaming about a yummy gooey dessert that is easy to make and unstoppable to eat!

I am sad though because I accidentally deleted a lot of the photos I had taken of this dessert {during multiple recipe trials} and I can’t test this recipe out yet again because it’s just THAT good and you can’t stop yourself from eating way more than you should. So the pictures you see are when I tested the recipe out using almonds. They were definitely good but I think the hazelnut version was even better.

The best part of this dessert is how adjustable it is. Don’t have enough chocolate on hand…no problem, just make less. {This recipe feeds a lot… you want the bars to be bite size because they are super decadent & rich!} Or did you decide to just demolish off the remaining chocolate while waiting for everything to freeze and now you have no chocolate for the top??? Don’t despair…just cut into tiny squares and devour. It’ll still be yummy!

Original inspiration for this recipe came from these homemade peanut butter chocolate cups. I was going to make them again but realized just spreading everything out on parchment paper would be way easier. Then I was testing out a different recipe and realized how much I loved coconut mixed with peanut butter. And the rest is history!

Peanut Butter, Dark Chocolate, and Hazelnut Dessert Bars with Sea Salt

Notes
This recipe is very adaptable. It can easily be halved to make less or you can make the parchment paper a bigger size so that the dessert bars are not so thick. Or if you don’t like coconut flakes, then just leave them out of the peanut butter mixture. I like it for the texture it provides, but it is not essential.
Do not try substituting a silpat liner for the parchment paper. You do not want to have any off flavors from the liner coming out in the dessert.

9 oz bag of Bittersweet Dark Chocolate Morsels
2/3 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut flakes
2-3 TBSP maple syrup
1/2 cup roughly chopped hazelnut, almonds, or any other nut you want to try
Kosher or Sea Salt (optional)

Cut a piece of parchment paper into roughly a 9x9 size and place on top of a baking sheet.

In a glass pyrex/mixing bowl, place chocolate and coconut oil, and melt in the microwave, stopping every 20 seconds to stir. When just a few pieces of chocolate remain, stop the microwave and stir until completely smooth.

Spread 1/2 of the chocolate mixture out onto the parchment paper; reserving the other half for the top of the dessert bars. Place baking sheet into the freezer for approximately 10 minutes, until hardened.

While waiting for chocolate layer to firm up, take another mixing bowl and mix together the peanut butter, coconut flakes, and maple syrup.

Once the chocolate layer has hardened, remove from freezer and using a plastic spatula, spread the peanut butter mixture on top of the chocolate.

Scatter chopped hazelnut over the peanut butter mixture and then press the nuts down.

Return baking sheet to the freezer for another 10 minutes.

Once peanut butter has hardened, spread the remaining chocolate mixture on top of the peanut butter. Or, you can drizzle the chocolate mixture on top if you don't have as much left as you thought you would.

If desired, sprinkle a tiny bit of sea salt on top of the chocolate.

Return dessert to freezer for another 10 minutes. Once completely hardened, take out of freezer, cut into bite sized squares, and then return back to freezer until ready to eat.

This dessert will melt if left out of freezer for a long time. But normally you are eating it so quickly, it won't matter!

Enjoy!

{Day 9!!! of the #write31days challenge. I can’t believe I’ve made it over a week of writing every day. YAY!}

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Filed Under: Recipes, write31days Tagged With: #write31days, chocolate

10-08-2015

Love Each Other As I Have Loved You

{Image Source: fiercemarriage.com}

Day 8 of 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart

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Filed Under: Faith, marriage, write31days Tagged With: #write31days, marriage

10-04-2015

A Prayer for A New Heart

{Day 4 of #write31days series 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart. Click here to see a listing of all post in this series.}

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Filed Under: Faith, write31days Tagged With: #servantsheart, #write31days

10-03-2015

What is a Servant’s Heart?

{Day 3 of the 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart series. Click here to see all series posts.}

Whispered worriedly in my ear are the words of a precocious little one “Mama, I’m sorry I used up all your dental floss, but I just had to make the Orb’s golden silk spider web”.

The cords of floss thread in and out of every crevice in his room, making a spider web for this animal loving boy of mine.

It doesn’t matter how simple the task of navigating the spider web seems, I can’t do it without getting tripped up in the floss. And I’m reminded of just how often I get tripped up in this whole serving others thing.

I set out to serve with a gracious heart but instead I get so caught up in keeping track of all ‘my good’ that any love I started out with is gone before I’ve done more than just think about serving someone else.

So what is a servant’s heart and why in the world does it even matter?

A servant’s heart is bent towards gratitude that they are able to serve instead of resentment that they have to serve.

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?

So easy to grumble that my kids are legions beyond stir crazy as another 24 hours of flooding rain continues here. But when my perspective changes, I find myself thankful I have a roof over our head, no floodwaters are entering the safety of our home, and my kids are healthy & thriving based on the high decimal level echoing through the house.

Perspective changes my heart from…

…I HAVE to make dinner yet again to I GET to provide a healthy nutritious meal for my family

…I HAVE to fold the never ending pile of laundry to I GET to provide a clean house for us to find rest in

…I HAVE to wash those dishes, bathe those kids, the list could go on & on….

But there is always time to take a step back and retrain my thought process to focus instead on the positive and the blessings I DO have in my life.

So that’s what I’m working towards this month.

Working to change the whispers in my heart from
I have to
towards
I get to.

{Written as part of the #write31days challenge. My entire series 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart can be found here.}

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Filed Under: Confessions, Faith, Family, write31days Tagged With: #aservantsheart, #givingthanks, #joydare, #perspective, #write31days

14 Tips to Strengthen The Friendships in Your Life: Part 2

Cooking Tip #2: How to Easily Cut Open a Winter Squash

Spewing Evil – The treacherous game of criticism in marriage

A True Servant is Focused on Giving rather than Getting

Hungarian Beef Stew

Beef & Sweet Potato Stew

Thoughts on being subservient in marriage…yes, I’m going there!

PB & Chocolate & Hazelnut Dessert Bars with Sea Salt

Peanut Butter, Dark Chocolate, and Hazelnut Dessert Bars with Sea Salt

Love Each Other As I Have Loved You

A Prayer for A New Heart

What is a Servant’s Heart?

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