2014 August

We made it! No sobbing from mom! And only a little choked up once I got back to the car!

It’s amazing how cathartic and therapeutic it is to write down how you feel. After last night’s foray into sadness & tears of how quickly the last four years have passed, I felt SO much better. And thank you for your encouragement after I shared how sad I was to see my girl growing up. Now I’m glad I got my emotions out early, because this morning I was freed up to be super happy and excited for her.

So now I’ve got an empty house. And it’s SO QUITE ya’ll! Such an amazing sound! The sound of nothing. I can actually hear myself think! WOW!!!

For some reason though, I don’t really see myself staying at home today to enjoy this new solitude. I’m sure Jared would appreciate if I cleaned up this messy house a tad but I’m thinking I’ll go to a coffee shop instead, just to sit and think. That is one thing I have not been able to do much of in the last four years!

Enjoy your day! I’m pretty sure I will!

The last four years…

I’m staying up late tonight, hoping that with each drawn out breath, time will magically suspend itself. My baby girl goes to ‘real’ school tomorrow. And even though I thought I’d be super excited to have the house to myself, I am now wishing I had just one more day with her & I at home. I’m sad. I’ve already shed a few tears. And, I haven’t even made it to the day of drop-off!

When I went to Target tonight for one last sippy cup & the just right snack holder, it hit me that in the future it will be rare that I will need to use those cumbersome non-turning excessively heavy buggies made for moms like me. You know, the ones that fit two kids in the front and still leave you an entire buggy’s worth of space to add all those non-essential items that certainly seem beyond essential when surrounded by bright lights, red signs, and oh yes…screaming melting down children. One would think I’d be excited that the chances are slim I will need to haul two children with me to a store again. But no, that thought process actually made me tear up!

Whew, I can’t imagine what tomorrow morning’s gonna look like! I’m going back & forth between imagining me sobbing as I walk down the never ending hallway OR perhaps the principal will be dragging me down that hallway. Cause I’m not really sure I’m ready to leave little Miss Stella behind.

But Miss Stella, oh, she’s ready to move on. Every single morning she asks if today is THE DAY she gets to go to school. And tonight her last words before her head hit the pillow were “So tomorrow’s the day, right, Mom? Tomorrow I get to go to school?” I wish I could intonate her tone in that question. It’s so full of FINALLY, MOM, FINALLY I get to go to school with my big brother! I am finally a BIG kid!!

So this summer I tried to treasure every single precious second we spent together. Granted, there were moments I felt my patience wearing thin but overall it was a delightfully slow summer. It was about playing legos, impromptu trips to the beach, racing doll strollers down the hallway, trying to convince Mom that this time the lizard really wouldn’t die if we left him in a sealed up jar in the 100° heat. Hmmm, as of tonight, I am still not convinced that lizards can somehow live in a virtual oven!