How to Have A Servant’s Heart in Marriage

It’s laughable that today I’m writing about a servant’s heart in a marriage. I’m definitely not writing this because I succeed at this whole serving your spouse thing.

Most days I tank right there in the mud and get clogged up thinking everything is about me, my desires, my needs.

But if I am praying God will help me have a heart bent towards getting to serve, then what better relationship to focus on, than in the one I wake up to every morning?

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But it’s hard isn’t it?

It’s much easier to…serve the homeless… travel to Uganda to serve the barefoot children… have a servant’s heart of compassion for someone I don’t know.

But I do know my husband. I know his strengths, his weaknesses, his good, his bad.
{Unfortunately, he knows mine too.}

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And when faced with serving the person I commune with daily, he receives the least amount of grace from me. I can tell my heart isn’t in the right place when doing something kind for him feels more like a begrudging action or when I tally up my mental scorecard of who has done more around the house that day.

What I crave is that making his lunch, ironing his shirts, or saying ‘yes’ to watch that documentary on black holes will become a priceless way for me to give him love. To give him a piece of me. And in so doing, I have been the hands and feet of Jesus.

I want my heart to delight in doing things for my husband.
Just because.
Not for anything it gets me in return.

Serving my husband with a gracious heart is a choice I have to make countless times each day. And as Ruth Soukup writes “…the reality is that true change will come only through prayer… continual, wholehearted, and passionate prayer.”

So practically speaking, what can I do differently so that I may actually see change and not just talk about it?

What if today, before I rise from the bed, I ask God…

…Give me insight on something kind I could do unexpectedly for my husband, just because…
…Slow down my racing ways so I remember to truly kiss my husband goodbye before I leave the house…
…Help me see & focus on my husband’s positive attributes and tell him how thankful I am for him…
…Please take away the tally marks in my head of who has done most and focus me instead on the things he does for our family…
…Help me share with my husband how grateful I am he is in my life…
…When it comes time to make dinner, bathe the kids, read them bedtime stories…give me courteous words when I need to ask my husband for help…


And when I get it wrong and gripe or when I fail and keep those tally marks, I am so thankful for a God that reminds me that each day is a new day.
“Great is the Lord’s faithfulness to us. His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:22 & 23




{Today is day 7 of the series 31 Days to a Servant’s Heart that I am writing for #write31days challenge.}

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  1. Your post today really blessed me Jessica! I have been married so many years and I always need a reminder to love selflessly. Thanks for the reminder:)

  2. Very heartfelt! Jared is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have him!

  3. If you figure this all out, please tell me the secret! :) I could have written this post myself, especially the part about the mental scorecard. It’s so difficult to get rid of that, but I know I would be so much happier if I did. I need to read this post over and over. Thank you for it!

  4. Thank you so much for this reminder, Jessica! I definitely resonate with your words and I appreciate your honesty!

  5. Thank you for your series on how to have a servants heart in marriage. I so often take my husband for granted. These posts are great reminders for me.

  6. Thanks for sharing and I can SO relate! Thanks for sharing your heart and your encouragement! It is hard and it is sacrificial but it is so worth it!!!?

  7. LOVE this! I so get it!!!

  8. Jessica,

    Girl! So much truth here. And that’s coming from this woman who’s been married for 36+ years!

    I continually ask God to let me see my husband as He does – fully loved, chosen, a keeper, blessed and a blessing. And I tell Holt he is all those things. Seems to be working!

    Am I perfect….uuuuuummmmmm…NO! Far from it.

    But Grace like you said…and I thank God for His grace – for me and all His kiddos!

    May I invite you to share each Friday on my DanceWithJesus Linkup? Bless others there with your words. Your words are powerful! Hugs, Susan