Up until two months ago, I thought I had a pretty good handle on the concept of gratitude. Give me any day, good or bad, and I could find something for which to give thanks.

But just three weeks into quarantine, all I seemed capable of was grumbling. One evening at dinner, my prayer was, “Lord, I know I should pray for a better attitude, but I really just want to keep having a pity party for myself.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t have experience with difficult times. The life numbing grief and corresponding depression from my brother-in-law’s suicide was the reason I had become pretty good at gratitude in the first place.

After 8 dark months in the midst of raising a newborn and a toddler, a friend encouraged me to read One Thousand Gifts. Ann Voskamp’s words challenged me to find the eucharisteo, that which to be thankful for, every day, all day long. 

And it worked. Over the next year, my depression lifted and by the time five years passed, I had etched down over 5000 reasons to be grateful.

But years pass. Habits, even good ones, slip away. I stopped choosing to focus on the good and instead could only see “what I didn’t have”.

During the night after I uttered my ridiculous but honest thoughts to God, I woke up from sleep to hear the words “gratitude over grumbles”.

For the next five weeks, my brain tried hard to find good, but my heart refused. Whines and complaints continued to fill my days and Jared’s ear every evening. Nothing was good enough and I was so.over.it. 

Thankfully, God used a desolate moment of washing dishes in solitude to speak to me. 

He reminded me that he wasn’t asking me to love my circumstances. 

He wasn’t asking me to enjoy every moment of these long quarantine days. 

He was asking me to find something good, something to be thankful for.

Our job is not to be grateful because our circumstances are wonderful but to be grateful in spite of our circumstances. 

If we keep waiting for perfect moments, situations, relationships before giving thanks, then we miss out on appreciating all the blessings that surround us, right now, in the everyday small moments of life.

And while gratitude at times might be felt, it is only when we choose it as a verb – as an action –whether through writing it down or verbally reminding ourselves – that our lives are changed, that depression can be lifted, and that we can make it through one.more.day of quarantine. 

This week has been hard, with copious amounts of tears shed by me, as we finish out these last few weeks of homeschooling underneath the banner of a school district. I battle between my people (teacher)-pleasing tendencies as I push kids to finish assignments versus my desire to focus on the foundational skills I know they need.

Things like learning the lost art of handwriting a letter to their great grandma. Teaching keyboarding skills because pecking away on a keyboard with one finger has become a pet peeve of mine. Learning multiplication through Times-Tales because rote-memorization is not for everyone. Spending the day on a dirt road in the forest, teaching them how to drive a truck. Encouraging D to put pen to paper, writing the book series he daydreams about, ant colonies battling for the Lost Territory of the Sun. 

But while I want to rush this chapter to a close, I am reminded that with God, there is purpose in all seasons of life, even the moments that are long and hard. 

I believe God is using this season to grow my character and faith in Him. He’s helping me stop searching for other’s approval and instead choose to believe what He says about me. That my worth isn’t found in being perfect or making teachers and other people happy. My worth {and yours} is found in God’s love for us. 

I’m not saying that’s easy. But I have a choice here. Either I can continue 100% people-pleasing, making kids finish everything which leads to more tears than can be good for our mental health. Or maybe I could ask God for wisdom on which assignments the kids need to complete and which to let go of. And then actually let them go. Ugh, just the thought brings on anxiety. But if I believe the Bible to be true, then I need to believe that I’m not a failure because I didn’t do something exactly right. I need to take a step of faith, believing that God will show me the way and that He also gave me wisdom as a mom to know what the best thing for my children is. 

Faith is filled with choices and scary moments. It’s also filled with the reassurance that God’s got me and loves me, regardless of the issues I struggle through. And He’s got you too. During this season of no-other, He is with you and just wants you to come to Him with your anxiety, fear, people-pleasing tendencies, whatever you are walking through – He is there for you. 

{On those days when all I can see are my shortcomings & failings, this verse reminds me that ultimately my frailty is what gives God the most glory. I’ve expounded it out in my words. I pray these words uplift & encourage you when in dismay as you walk through your own life struggles.}

For Jesus says: “My grace Jessica, the grace found in me, that grace IS sufficient for you and your needs.

It was enough yesterday, is enough for today, and it will be enough for tomorrow.

For my power, the power found in the divinity of Christ is made perfect in weakness.
You see, Jessica, my power is exposed when you are weak and cannot bring anything to the table.”

Therefore I, Jessica, mere human – mere speck of minuscule dust in this cosmic environment – will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses – of the frailty found in my impatient parenting, in the weakness of this in control seeking, people pleasing, perfectionist because the weaknesses of my shortcomings cause me to rely on the power found in Christ.

So for the sake of Christ to be glorified above myself, then, I am content with my personal shortcomings, insults against me and what I stand for, hardships I traverse, persecutions I have endured and calamities that never seem to end.

For the times when I am weak on my own, I am ultimately stronger because I have leaned on the power found in Christ.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
II Corinthians 12: 9  & 10 ESV

DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing readers {that’s YOU} who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October in #write31days!

To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions.

Good luck, and thanks for reading!

{READ WITH LOTS OF SARCASM}

Hey Colleen! So you asked if I could get together next week. Well, here’s the thing…

Next week we start this thing called ‘soccer’.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of it before or not, but it {extracurricular activities} scares the crap out of me.

You see, I’m gonna have to be somewhere by 6:30pm three nights a week.

Oh, and not just somewhere. But on a field. Which means not in whatever crap I can pull over my head when I’ve reached the end of the day and would rather just be having a beer as I cook dinner in my pajamas.

And oh yes, let’s not forget that it’s not just me that has a dress code but really it is my son.

Those soccer organizers must have kids who just adore getting into new clothes.

My son informs me every. single. morning. that he is more than happy to go to school in just his underwear.

Which if you think about, I probably created that monster, since getting dressed in our house has always been optional. {I always did think a 1 year year old looked super cute slumming around in a diaper so I never got very good at enforcing dress codes.} So yes, the whole getting dressed thing is probably my fault.

But isn’t it enough of a feat that I get my son dressed and to school on time five days a week and then again on Sunday to church? Now, I’ve got to add evenings into the fray as well.

Oh crap, I just realize as I type this mess that he is suppose to be wearing cleats and I think some type of padding gear. And oh yeah, some type of soccer socks???? Guess I know what I’m going to be doing this weekend then. Seriously, how am I suppose to be figuring this stuff out?

So unfortunately, three of my week nights are being taken up by this thing called soccer.

This may be news to some people but I’m actually really done by 6:30pm at night.

Done being a mama.
Done putting a meal in front of my family.
Done doing anything besides telling my children they should just get along and please, isn’t it bedtime soon?

But I guess that doesn’t work anymore.

Oh, I also informed my husband that now we have to give up occasional Friday nights for this thing called soccer. Guess what my husband told me??? “Well, we don’t have much going on anymore on Friday nights, do we?”

Seriously, this from the man who at 25 threw quite an amazing after bar party. But no, apparently turning the ripe old age of 40 has made him ready to throw in the towel and succumb to this suburban thing called soccer.

And all because he thinks that maybe it will help our child get a college scholarship.

REALLY?
Has he seen our son play sports?

His last attempt {at age 3} ended before the first practice even got started.

Within meeting the coach and learning he would have to follow someone’s directions, he promptly informed us “I’m not playing. I’m going to go inspect the grass and find some bugs”.

I wish I were kidding.

For some reason I didn’t believe him so I took him back to a second football practice and once again, it was my child in the grass discovering the long begotten beetle of kingdom come.

Even last year when I tried encouraging him to give baseball a go, he himself said, “Come on mom, have you seen me try to hit a ball”. “Yeah, right”, was my response.

Wouldn’t it be better for all parties involved, if we were just a bit more up front with our children’s potential.

I mean, it would be amazing if on Monday night we discover this amazing God given gift of unknown, unparalleled soccer talent.

He has shown some improvement in the last few weeks while playing at home. Which was after we told him we were forcing him to play soccer. I blame my husband. I was more than happy to put off this whole extracurricular activity thing for a LOOOOT more years.

{But in defense of my husband forcing him to play soccer, the conversation went like this…
Son: Can I play soccer?
Mom: Sure, as long as you do your homework prior to practice.
Son: Uhm, well actually, no, I don’t think I need to do soccer or homework for that matter.
Dad: You ARE playing soccer and you ARE doing your homework.}

But really, my son’s God given talent is a love of animals, legos, and taking things apart and putting them back together.

The next Einstein, next Edison, next discoverer of an extinct animal…that is my son. Not the next David Beckham.

{And yes, I do think my son is a genius. You would use that coping mechanism too if your son spoke in animal language every time he met someone new!}

But maybe I will be proven wrong. And my efforts to still be a mama post 6:30pm will be worth it.

Maybe one day he will get a soccer scholarship. But really, I will be proud of my son if he just listens to the coach and stays on the field Monday night. I don’t care if he runs in the wrong direction and I certainly don’t care if he touches that soccer ball with his hands.

So for the next 8 weeks my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings are taken up with soccer.

Feel free to join me out at the fields and cheer me on when we arrive fully clothed! I’m gonna be feeling proud.

While summer will always be my most favorite season of the year {I live at the beach ya’ll! And I love boating!} I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’m really enjoying this cooler weather, the crisp air, and the slight chill & nip you get when you open your screen door each morning. With time spent at the beach on hiatus for now, we’ve had more time for in-shore fishing, walks in the woods, football games, apple festivals, and soups & chowders… Yep, definitely a lot to savor and treasure!

When my good friend Lindsey introduced me to stuffed acorn squash last year I was all about it. The recipe she used features flavorful Italian sausage, which I loved. However, after my mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this year, I’ve turned into a bit of a pretty big health nut. Gone are the days of making cookies twice a week and devouring sausage for breakfast. My diet now looks more like this…green smoothies for breakfast, salad ‘bowl’ creations for lunch, and meat primarily only being served for dinner. And since the idea of a stuffed acorn squash wasn’t manly enough for Jared’s dinner, I decided to turn this stuffed squash into a vegetarian delight. I’m pretty excited with the results!

Swiss chard is most definitely my favorite leafy green vegetable. It has such a unique flavor and I love the crunch that the end pieces provide. Plus, if you buy rainbow swiss chard {or grow your own, even better!} you get such beautiful variations of color. But swiss chard isn’t just around for asthetic purposes, it provides a lot of nutrients & vitamins…Vitamins A, C, & K as well as being a great source of potassium, iron, and magnesium. {And did you know, your body absorbs vitamins more easily from the foods you eat than the vitamin pills you take.}

Quinoa is of course everyone’s newest favorite ingredient and I love making a quinoa pilaf over the weekend so that I can throw a little bit of quinoa into different dishes as the week progresses. Quinoa is a great source of protein, fiber, and manganese {did you know that manganese was even a word?}. Mushrooms & the acorn squash aren’t idly standing by either. Mushrooms provide selenium, niacin, and copper {once again, this post is really teaching you some words you’ve forgotten since Chemistry 101!} and acorn squash provides many of the above nutrients as well as Omega-3’s and beta-carotene.

So with all that being said, this is a healthy & delicious meal!

Enjoy!

Yes, I know its February (and perhaps a little late for a resolution). Yes, I know most of you kept your New Year’s Resolution a total of 3 days, 16 hours, 42 minutes, and 38 seconds, but really, who’s counting? And yes, I realize the flu season is almost over. But here is my New Year’s Resolution for 2012 and for every year in the future.

GET A FLU SHOT!!!

Can you guess why I’m writing this? Cause I’m sick in the bed with a 103 fever. I know, cry me a river, right? I live near a CVS with a flu shot clinic. I drive by the local health department every time I go to the grocery store but can never ‘make the time’ to get that flu shot they are always advertising. Well I’m finally putting my foot down. Not because I was smart enough to be proactive but because sometimes reactive is better than nada.

There may be only less than 2 months left of the flu virus but that is still 62 (60 to be exact) days that I could contract this thing they call a virus again. So, as soon as this body is up and able – we’ll be trotting over to the CVS. And this coming September….you guessed right…we’ll be first in line (camped outside) anxiously awaiting that flu vaccination!

Hope you & yours are healthy and well! Jess